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Dear Strung Out...............................

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Post by Tele Sun Mar 20, 2011 11:16 am

It's almost time for the Baseball season to start, and I need a little advice. Living in Chicago, there is really only one team to root for. Unless you're a young impressionable kid, or old and holding on to your last thread of sanity. Which brings me to my problem. I have several friends who are seemingly normal, but root for the Cubs. It's been 103 years since they won a world series, and I hate to see my friends suffer once again. Maybe they just like dissapointment? Gluttons for punishment? I want to help them, but I don't know what to do. Shock therapy perhaps? Can you help me?

Signed,

Well adjusted Sox Fan





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Dear Strung Out............................... Empty "Put me in, coach - I'm ready to play today"

Post by Tom Bombadil Sun Mar 20, 2011 2:44 pm

Well well well. For a Well Adjusted Sox Fox you forget that "friends" are people too, with their own thoughts, opinions and dreams. How about one of your "friends" tells you which cut of steak is the best, whose browser software is better than yours or what color your new car needs to be. Wonder how you might react to any of these "requests"?

Perhaps a metaphor or two is in order.

Lets say one of these "friends" says the string gauge is all wrong for your favorite guitar and you would be better served using coat hangers and baling wire. Or the choice of top, back and side wood you have fretted (pun intended) over for weeks, months and probably years on your new once in a lifetime custom guitar is the equivalent of using wood from old pallets. It would probably take a shock treatment or two to "adjust" you in that event. I am just saying.

Now I am not saying you are wrong about the Cubs. I live in the land of 10,000 lakes and the Minnesota Vikings. Need I say more? Where would we be without underdogs to root for? We would all be Yankee fans and I don't think you want that. You are lucky to have a choice in which team you support and perhaps the optimism of your "friend" is to be desired.

Me thinks a prescription of John Fogerty's _Centerfield_ is in order.
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Post by Tele Sun Mar 20, 2011 2:51 pm

I stand before you humbled Dear Strung.

I was just hoping I could somehow ease their pain.

But you are correct.
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Post by Tom Bombadil Sun Mar 20, 2011 3:02 pm

The timing of your quandary was weird to say the least. Jen and I had spent most of yesterday morning buying old vinyl at a shop in Uptown and whilst I read your request I had some CCR on and naturally _Centerfield_ jumped to mind.
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Post by Portland Rain Sun Mar 20, 2011 3:19 pm

Dear well adjusted Sox fan,

Your moniker is an oxymoron. There is no such thing as a well adjusted White sox fan.

Your dilemna is quite a quandry. Or, your quandry is quite a dilemna. Conventional wisdom tells us to trust common sense. There is only one way to go if you live in the windy city. Since the American league isn't actually baseball then a true baseball fan only has one choice.

True baseball fans are in favor of the DH. Also steroids, underhanded girl pitchers, shorter fences, 4th roving outfielders, sushi at the ballpark, and astroturf. You may enjoy all of these things but lets keep them in the American league since it isn't baseball. It's a lot like baseball. Kind of like donkey basketball is sort of like basketball but not quite the same.

Good luck with your decision

PR
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Post by Tele Sun Mar 20, 2011 6:00 pm

Dear national league Nihilistic Negative Nancy Nutjob Nincompoop,

I understand your pain. The national league has 43 World Series wins vs the American League's 62. The American League Champs have had better season records than the national league teams played in the World series for the last 11 of 12 years. It is also a well documented fact that there have been more national league players found (reprimanded by MLB) guilty of using steroids than American League players, by almost two to one.

If you had ever been to a "national league game" in this city, you would see people just like you describe. Sushi eating party boys who dont know crap about baseball, and are only there for the "ambiance". They like to litter and relieve themselves in the yards of the houses around the ballpark, because they drank too much Old Style or Coors, or whatever pissy beer you jerks drink, and because they have no respect for other people. Kinda like you. Ask them the score at any point during the game, and you'll likely ellicit a deer in the headlights look from any of these "fans". I'm not a hater of the national league, but your response proves my point.

Good luck with my decision? Hell, there is no decision. Be a nut job who pretends to like baseball so you can "socialize" with your, ahem, friends, or a real baseball fan.

Go eat your rotten hair laden hot dog and discuss your last therapy session with the guy who has the sweater wrapped around his shoulders and an earing in his right ear and deck shoes with no socks.
I'll be talking baseball, keeping score on my own scorecard having a beer with my buddy Joe. We served in Vietnam together you pansy.



Last edited by Tele on Sun Mar 20, 2011 10:22 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Post by Omegaman Sun Mar 20, 2011 8:04 pm

Telstar,

You just moved up a notch in my book. With that hairdoo of yours, I coulda sworn ur a Cubbie Clubber. Dude, there is only one real team, and I am so happy to hear you are on the South Side Soup Train. We must sit in the left field line-upper deck and read the Sun Times all afternoon while we lose. Let's go in April! FOR SURE MAYNARD! p.s. I saw Bo Jackson hit that homer to win the playoffs from the left field upper deck before the remodel when your nose did really bleed. I went animal berzerk whackodoo for 30 minutes non stop.
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Post by Tele Sun Mar 20, 2011 9:21 pm

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Post by Portland Rain Sun Mar 20, 2011 10:07 pm

lol! Muddy Waters was a White Sox fan. I am so ready for the season to finally get started again. I am going through withdrawal.

PR
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Post by Omegaman Sun Mar 20, 2011 10:48 pm

This G.D. thing made me cry. Shoot. GIMME A FALSTAFF HARRY!

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Post by Omegaman Sun Mar 20, 2011 10:52 pm

The greatest Sox slugger ever. I loved those roof shots more than life.

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Post by WileE Mon Mar 21, 2011 7:29 am

Ahem ... Ernie Banks!
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Post by Tele Mon Mar 21, 2011 7:47 am

Portland Rain wrote:lol! Muddy Waters was a White Sox fan. I am so ready for the season to finally get started again. I am going through withdrawal.

PR

Me too PR.
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Post by Omegaman Mon Mar 21, 2011 7:54 am

WileE wrote:Ahem ... Ernie Banks!

When I was a little kid, Ernie lived three doors from me. I used to hang with his twin boys, Joey and Jerry. They were cool. I never, ever, once, saw Ernie. I could never figure that out. He was somewhat estranged from the Mrs. if I recall. He may have had another hang, if you know what I'm sayin'. Hey Hey.
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